My 19th birthday is creeping up, I started to think about a lot of things...naturally more of my past, lessons I've learned and how I use to be. Looking back I remembered all the screw ups, all the break ups, all the ups and fucken downs and thought..."I regret nothing...nothing at all". We all know we make mistakes blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH it's not what mistakes we made that's important...to me, it's more of how you dealt with them and what you do from then on. The way I use to deal with shit was...well, stupid. I mean common, I was a kid although I still have A LOT to learn in order for me to become an "adult".
I look at my old pictures of when I was about eh...12 and up and I notice how drastically I have changed, physically and mentally. Being the shy, low self esteem, push over girl I was, made my life SUCK. Of course I had my whole St. Edwards group, Re-ann as well as those significant others who I met at Centennial who truly had an impact in my life (
Polin, Danny,Kathy,Ryan,Carlos and a few others) who helped ease the pain as well as keeping me sane.
It obviously wasn't healthy for me to think so lowly of myself and mid of senior year after being cheated on gave me one of the biggest slap of my life. At first I still held on to my old habit, blaming myself, thinking what the hell I did...ha the thing is I didn't do SHIT. That was it, that was when I started putting up my fist, not taking anymore crap and thinking more about...me. Before I would think, "No one deserves to be treated badly, no one" but I never included myself in that thought. It took me so long for me to figure out that I too deserve that same respect I give everyone else. Here I am now, with my head held up high with a big
genuine grin across my face and optimistic thoughts in my head. I've also learned that anyone who threatens my happiness or my self esteem are those who I avoid, one of the biggest reasons why I avoided many in senior year.
Throughout our lives we meet many those "special individuals" who impact your life in some way. For me, those who impacted my life were the ones I've met at good ol' St. Edwards.
Jeanine, Almalita, Ryan, Andrew, Ashley, Geoff, Annalisa, Joseph, Brian and
Byron...you guys have been with me for almost more than half of my life and I cannot be more grateful. Although we don't get to see each other much, you are still my family.
After becoming a stronger happier person, I met one of the most amazing guy...
Rodney. I've always told him "You may not be my first boyfriend but you are my first love" Corny right? But completely true. Past relationships were when I didn't even know how to love myself, so how did I expect to actually "love" someone else. It's because none of it was real like this one. Rodney you are the first guy to love, cherish, respect and most of all be honest with me. You already know how much I care and love you but thank you again...for everything.
Re-ann you and me may get into fights but we ALWAYS get over it within minutes. You're my best friend and that's all I have to say because you already know why I love you.
T.J my おにいちゃん, I wouldn't be the person I am today without you! You truly help me when I don't know what to do and I always know you're there for me, to beat up anyone who hurts me hahah.
Bottom line is that I love all of you so much! <3
ごめんなさい for such a long and boring post
but whatever, it is my blog :)
